They got
all the right friends in all the right places,
So yeah, we’re going down

Funny how you wish you had all the time in the world when you were busy, when caught up in something. How you wished you actually had the time to just slack off and do something you like once in awhile. To just take a break from your fast paced, stressful life and appreciate what’s around you. To just not have ANYTHING on your mind, no homework, no projects, assignments. for just a day.

But when you finally do feel like you have all the time in the world, however,  (a full 3 months), you start to think. – What the fuck am i going to do now?

That was what was on my mind  after my last paper last week. Of course there’s the initial excitement about ‘graduating’ from secondary school.  Having parties lined up, BBQs, chalets. You name it. But there’s only so much partying and BBQs you’re gonna attend and have. There’s only so much movie and theatre outings you’re gonna have with your friends for 3 months. But it isn’t as simple as that. There is something else I’m thinking about.

On Friday as i was walking out of my school’s gate for the last time as a student there, it suddenly struck me. Now that secondary school is over, what the hell am i going to do with my life? This is the moment where i figure out what i really want to do, and it’s absolutely going to affect my future. IT IS my future we’re talking about here.

At least i have a full 3 months to think about that.

Wow.

Maybe I’m already starting to miss secondary school life, and i think i know why. It’s where i met my awesome friends,where we did the most crazy random shit in school because of 1 simple reason, a group of guys and boredom just doesn’t mix. It’s where i met idiots, people who backstab, suck up, you learn how to deal with them and sometimes, the results aren’t pretty. It’s where i studied and mugged and stared at books almost everyday, It’s when i studied for 2 months just for a week worth of papers. It’s when i had my first relationship and… let’s not talk about that.

As corny as this is going to sound, i truly believe that my close group of friends are gonna be friends forever. You just can’t take the ‘bro-ness’ out of us.

-

I guess i need some time alone with myself and think of what i really want to do.

That makes it a lot better.

Let’s see…

• I got a freakin sunburn from Formula Drift which took 2 weeks to go away. But hey i kinda got like a nice tan.
• I’ve actually been studying for my N levels which is about 2 months away. HI2U2MATHS!
• Been thinking of the courses in ITE as well, architecture?
• Watched The Half Blood Prince, intense at most scenes but I’ve been hearing from my friends who read the book that the movie shortened or left out a lot of parts. Hm
• Call me slow, but i (finally?) watched Twilight. After reading half the book i gave up because i couldn’t stand Bella talking about Edward over and over again and it became majorly irritating. Oh the movie was no better.
• I am currently sick down with flu.

I’m so human, yeah yeah.

Got my tickets, can’t wait for next weekend!

I should probably be sleeping right now, school is a few hours away. I’m actually quite excited to return.

Oh well.

So i went to a concert yesterday with Ash, Darren and Iskandar at Victoria Concert Hall, a production by Singapore Raffles Music College featuring some of their final year students. Rather eye opening as i rarely listen to traditional chinese music. I could feel the emotions the musicians put in to their performances and i could relate to them as an artist, even though I’m a theatre kid

I really didn’t get the pipa solo though, appeared to be all over the place, or maybe i just couldn’t appreciate it. But i have to say the piano solo and the sopranos were great. Oh and i think there was a major screw up after the interval! It was supposed to be a clarinet solo but i guess something happened and they performed something that seemed to be made up in the last minute. It was quite bad but hey, the show must go on.

Darren, Ash and i tried to escape the taxi midnight surcharge but we couldn’t! and because it was so late and we haven’t had our dinner yet we had no choice but to go to Funan (the shops were ALL closed) and get something from Mcdoanlds. I decided to get a orange juice and i had no idea it was that bad. We were all bored as hell and wanted to go for a walk before going home and we passed by this 24 hour prata stall and wondered why didn’t we have supper there instead. I would choose a chicken mutabak over mcdoanlds anytime especially at that time of the night.

Long night walks definitely helps you think and sort things through. And knowing that some things are beyond your control helps me feel better about yourself.

I finally decided to sleep at 6.50am, and i had the weirdest dream ever. The human mind amuses me sometimes. I dreamt that i was some sort of Michael Scofield like character in some sort of situation which reminds me of Prison Break, and i was running away trying to escape from some organisation. I killed someone with a pen… Perhaps it’s a reflection of what’s happening in my life, am i running away from something?

I think too much sometimes.

So i had a fever yesterday and i had to postpone gym with my trainer. So it pretty much sucks for me now that i have gym 3 days in a row. And my arms are still killing me, in fact they’re threatening to just drop off from my body and i think they will eventually.  But hey i see muscles forming so that’s pretty nice.

Life’s little nuances, they really piss me off sometimes.

It’s not gay right? is the colourway gay? if i use it will i look gay? please tell me it’s not gay…  please?

Anyone has a LV Damier Graphite duffel? wanna trade????

I just realised it’s pretty effin dope, only if it was in another colour.

I give up, I’m going to return it to my mum.

I realised something rather important lately.

It was my brother’s birthday 2 days ago and my whole family celebrated it over a nice seafood dinner at a restaurant near his new place, which supposedly serves superb crabs, followed by a visit to his new place and of course having the customary (durian) birthday cake.

It was awesome, my whole family was there, my parents, my two sisters, my brother, and my brother and sister in laws. I was feeling rather down that day due to recent (or not so recent) occurrences, but i didn’t want to spoil the mood and i pretended to be happy.

And then  i realise that none of my family members know about what’s bothering me.

Due to the age gap I’ve been finding it rather difficult to open up and talk about what i consider personal to my siblings, or even my parents. I wanted to ask my sister to help me safe keep this box of stuff that reminded me of Louisa, but i feared her giving me a lecture on why i got into a relationship when i should be focusing on my studies, how it is all just puppy love and i will get over it soon. Perhaps i AM too young to know what love is, but trust me i’ve been through too much to find out what it is. I know what it is, to it’s fullest extent.

I don’t need a talk on relationships, I don’t want that and i didn’t need that at all. I wanted a listening ear and someone who would give me good advice, as a sister, and talk to me as an adult. Perhaps I’m thinking too much, as i haven’t really tried talking to her about it yet. But I hate it when my family thinks I’m just like any other immature teenage kid out there who hangs out at arcades all day and doesn’t have a mind of his own.

Deep inside i knew my sister or other family members would understand, as they’re human too and they’ve all been through it before. But i just couldn’t do it.

But what struck me that day, as i was in the car on my way to my brother’s place,  is the importance of a loving family. I might not tell them everything, preferring to talk to my friends about my issues instead. But the assurance my family always being there for me is important. At least to me. I told myself It’s not worth giving up living your life to the fullest because of a girl.

Friends come and go, even the one where i thought i would be “BFF! omgzx” with, (here’s looking at you) My point is, people in your life come and go, and the two people i trusted the most in my life at one point left me in a absolute ‘wtf?’ state. But your family will always be there for you.

I’m happy that i know that. I may not show it at times, but i really do love my family.